5 ways on How to be a Better Wife

  Hello, I am Minna from the Foolish Couple, founder of the FoCoAcademy, business consultant and transformation coach. 

Last week my husband Andy talked about the 5 ways on how a man can be a better husband. And he’s got a lot of response and comments from, well, a lot of women, wives, and they loved it.  

 So this week, I’m going to flip this around, and talk about the 5 ways to be a better wife. Now I’m not saying I’m the perfect wife. In fact, I’m pretty far from it. But my mistake is a lesson for you. And, well, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. 

 When we first moved from Canada to San Francisco, he had just sold his business and I had just landed my new consulting job here. So he became the househusband while I went to work.  

 And throughout my career, I’ve worked on many different projects for companies of all sizes and a wide variety of industries. One thing that is common, at least for what I do, is that there is way more men then women in my teams. So as time goes by, I learn to be more like a man in the workplace. And that’s ok at work. 

 But what happens is that I have all this male, masculine energy inside me that I bring home with me. And I think some of you may have a similar experience. 

 Modern day women tends to be more aggressive, more driven, more outward spoken, more independent, more competitive and, well, more like a man. This changes our energy. I’m not saying that we’re looking more masculine, but we certainly are behaving more masculine and demonstrating more masculine energy. That serves us well at work, giving us a level playing ground and we tend to do really well at work. 

 But then we go home, and we forgot to turn off that energy. We forget that our role is different. At work, we are an employee, a manager, a director, or whatever your position is. We have objectives and deadlines and we fight for promotions and bonuses.  

 But at home, we have a very different role. At home, we are a wife, a woman, a mom. We are supposed to be nurturing, warm, understanding, and strong but also soft, wise and always respectful. And when we forget to turn off our male energy, we tend to clash at home. Nobody wants to bring his or her boss home, and you shouldn’t behave like a boss at home. Don’t manage your husband and kids. You should love them, guide them, and support them. 

1. Let that Femnergy shine. 

 So while Andrew says that man should man up, well, from where I stand, women should be more, well, more like a women. My mentor once told me that everyone needs at least 5 hugs a day to stay positive and loved. So hug him, Snuggle, hold his hand when you go out together. Show him that you love him. 

 When we first got married, I had no idea how to cook. Cooking to me seemed messy and difficult and inconvenient. I managed to get through college with instant noodles and mac and cheese from a box. And Andy likes to cook, so I just let him. But eventually, I started to help him with some prepping, he taught me how to cut vegetables without chopping my fingers off, and after a while, it doesn’t seem so difficult at all. I still have no idea how to bake a cake, but I can now make a pretty decent meal.  

 And cooking nowadays is actually getting easier. Just within the last couple of years there are a few startup companies that deliver food to you. I’m not talking about cooked meals. These companies would pack raw food together, according to portion sizes, and include simple cooking instructions that require very basic kitchen tools and almost no skill at all. So it is actually easier to cook healthy, tasty meals at home nowadays. And if you’d rather do it yourself, well, we may be able to help you with that too. Just make sure you are on our mailing us and we will keep you posted. 

2. Be more Intimate 

 We’ve been married for 19 years and before that we dated for another 11 years. So we’ve literally been with each other for 30 years. And somewhere along the line, things can get boring. If all you do, everyday, is go to work, come home and watch TV; that gets old fast! There’s nothing to keep the romance, that fire burning between the 2 of you and eventually that fire will burn out. If you want a better relationship, something that has flare, something that is fulfilling and delicious and intimate, then you must have an element of surprise.  

 Without any surprises, your relationship becomes mundane, boring, and repetitive. So think about some ways to give him a pleasant surprise. Plan a surprise trip with him, just the 2 of you and don’t bring your kids or your laptop. Or even just a night out where you can dance and eat and just talk. Better yet, get some sexy lingerie! 

It’s not being sexist or anything like that. It’s just something to induce some romance back to your relationship. Sometimes we take our husbands and our relationships for granted. We just assume that he is going to be with us forever even though we’re not putting any effort into it. And we all know that things don’t work that way. If you don’t plant the seeds and keep watering and fertilizing it, you don’t get the crops.  

 So think of something fun to do together at least once a month. Spend some time together. Be Playful and spontaneous. Make him happy. Because when he is happy, you will be happy too. 

 3. Stop hinting 

 Recently there’s a really popular YouTube audio clip that came up and it was actually very interesting. It is basically 1 audio clip, with 2 different words spoken at the same time. But some people hear the word Laurel. And other people hear the word Yanni. Only 2 percent of the population actually hears both words. 

 How that works? Well, I don’t know scientifically. But then I heard from one of my consultants the other day that he is medically diagnosed by his hearing doctor that he couldn’t hear the female voice frequency. I feel sorry for his wife but what I’m saying is, people hear different things. We can’t assume that what we hear is what they hear. And worse yet, we definitely cannot assume that our husband can read our minds.  

 So we’re on to day 3 of our 5 ways to be a better wife. And this one is a classic. We’ve all seen it in sitcoms and movies and yet we kept doing it. 

 What is it? Hint hint? It is “Hinting”. 

 Man does not take hints. They don’t get it, they don’t hear it, and they are physically incapable of getting any type of hints that you throw at them. It doesn’t matter if they are subtle hints or obvious hints. They just don’t hear it. You hear Laurel, well guess what they hear Yanni. 

 If you want something, just tell them. If you need them to do something for you, ask them nicely. If you want them to celebrate your birthday, remind them and tell him how you want to celebrate. Men are happy to oblige but you’ve got to tell them what you want. They are not going to spend time trying to figure out what’s going on inside your head.  

 I know that I said to not bring your male energy home. But this isn’t about energy. If you are at work and you want something done, would you throw hints for your co-workers? Or team members? No of course not. You clearly state what you want done. The same goes with your husband. Stop playing the mind reading game. You will be disappointed every time.  

4. Gratitude Journal 

 As women, we tend to be very apologetic. We say sorry a lot, even when we haven’t really done anything wrong. And I have often given advice to many women to stop saying sorry to everything.  

“I’m sorry but I think you may be wrong” 

“I’m sorry but you are in my parking spot” 

“I’m sorry but you spilled coffee onto my shirt” 

Stop being apologetic. Instead, do this instead. 

 Have gratitude. Be thankful. Be thankful that you have a loving husband. Be thankful that he is helping with the kids. Be thankful he is helping around the house. 

 Here’s what I want you to do. Start a gratitude journal. Oprah says it works, and it does work. Every day, before you go to bed, write something in the journal that you are grateful for, about your husband. It could be something that he helped you with, or maybe that he spent 20 minutes listening to you complaining about your boss. If you do this for 2 weeks, it will change your perspective about your relationship with your husband. 

 Don’t believe me? Give it a try and prove me wrong! 

And the last and most important one 

5. Love and support him for what he is 

 In the past few years we’ve seen quite a few couples break up, and I gotta say, we saw it coming. And one common thing that both Andy and me noticed is that, the wife, tends to yell at the husband in public. Restaurants, shopping mall, parking lot, somewhere that’s public, where there’s a lot of people. And they just kept yelling at their husbands as if there’s nobody else around.  

 As their friends, I feel embarrassed, and I feel sorry for their husbands. Nobody likes to be yelled at, especially in public. Not children, not teenagers, not your husband.  

 Doesn’t matter what the situation is. There is always a way to express your feeling without yelling. Good communications is not only about the words, but also about the tone and the timing. So if you are one of those that like to yell in public, well, work on it. Work on your gratitude journal. Be respectful not only to your husband but also to the people around you.  

 Better yet, speak positively about him. Remember why you fell in love with him. When you speak positively about him, subconsciously it also tells you to be more positive about your relationship with him, and he will notice the difference.  

 Last thing before I wrap this up; be supportive about his dreams and goals. You are the closest person to him and your support means the world to him. He may want to take some risks, make some changes in other aspects in his life. And you are his anchor. You give him the confidence to take the risks and pursue his dreams.  

 And that’s it.  

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Till Next time love what you live and Live what you love.